Violet Summer Chronicles

truebluemeandyou: DIY Cords, Tubes & Pearls Bracelets...

Wed, 08 May 2013 14:45:40 -0400

DIY Cords, Tubes & Pearls Bracelets Tutorials from inspiration & realisation. Donatella has just posted a simplified version of her pearls and tubes bracelet.

Top Photo: Original Cords,Tubes & Pearls Bracelet from inspiration & realisation I posted here.

Bottom Photo: Simplified Version of the Cords, Tubes & Pearls Bracelet Tutorial from inspiration & realisation here.

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Mon, 15 Apr 2013 23:07:46 -0400

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Mon, 15 Apr 2013 23:07:01 -0400

neverecho: chickensandwich: pizzaforpresident: i hate when people call their grandparents weird...

Mon, 15 Apr 2013 23:03:33 -0400

neverecho:

chickensandwich:

pizzaforpresident:

i hate when people call their grandparents weird names instead of grandma and grandpa like babooshka or salami

i’m telling grandpa salami that you were talking shit

I CANNOT BREATHE

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Mon, 15 Apr 2013 23:02:26 -0400

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Sun, 14 Apr 2013 01:06:12 -0400

its-sociopath-ya-assbutt: colouredsounds97: J.K Rowling added...

Sat, 13 Apr 2013 14:46:01 -0400

its-sociopath-ya-assbutt:

colouredsounds97:

J.K Rowling added this to the series.

i can’t feel anymore

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Sat, 13 Apr 2013 14:41:49 -0400

lucylovesthellamas: basednigel: 466k: When I’m on my period oh my god dude girls are fucked...

Sat, 13 Apr 2013 14:26:57 -0400

lucylovesthellamas:

basednigel:

466k:

When I’m on my period

oh my god dude girls are fucked up

HOLY SHIT 1000% ACCURATE

canwemakeout: I COULD WATCH THIS GIF SET FOR THE REST OF MY...

Sat, 13 Apr 2013 14:26:34 -0400

canwemakeout:

I COULD WATCH THIS GIF SET FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE

insanosylum: i tried so hard not to reblog this but in the end...

Sat, 13 Apr 2013 14:26:02 -0400

insanosylum:

i tried so hard not to reblog this but in the end i lost to the fabulous

the producers!

How To Make Love

Sat, 13 Apr 2013 14:18:40 -0400

How To Make Love:

chasingthathigh:

unexpectedbalance:

restoringfraillife:

cricketandperv:

violetsunnyklaus:

About seven years ago, all my friends my age got married. And about three years after that, they all started having babies, which set into motion the idea that eventually they’re gonna have to talk about sex to their kids. And that just freaks me out. I have cats—they were broken, but now they’re fixed—so I don’t have to worry about this. However, if I had the opportunity to suddenly be confronted by my son as a young man asking me for advice about sex… with girls… this is what I would say.

One: Buy condoms. Buy them and keep them with you at all times, and use them before you are asked to use them. And use them every time. The peace of mind you allow your partner will free her to be vulnerable with you, and that, my son, is exactly what sex is about. Condoms are sexy. In fact, call buying condoms foreplay. (Footnote: If you are too embarrassed to buy condoms, you are not ready to have sex.)

Two: Kissing is not merely foreplay. Spend entire evenings making out on the couch while fully clothed. Believe me, dry-humping rocks.

Three: Sex is not just about friction. It’s about emotion. Stop trying to find her clitoris and find her heart. Because then she’ll help you find her clitoris.

Four: If you really wanna know how to please a woman, ask her how she masturbates. Then do that. A lot. If she claims she doesn’t masturbate, offer to take her shopping for a vibrator so you can both learn the vocabulary of her body together.

Five: Don’t put anything in her butthole you wouldn’t want in your own. (Footnote: Try a pinky finger, it’s kinda awesome.)

Six: When you go down on her—and you will go down on her, and if you are my son, you will be amazing at it—tell her how good she tastes. Stop in the middle and kiss her deeply so she knows how good she tastes. Do the same when she goes down on you.

Seven: A simple Google search will yield 1,327 euphemisms for male masturbation, yet only 23 for female masturbation. If guys spent less time jacking off and more time jilling off, this world would be a happier place.

Eight: Everything you need to know about the importance of the clitoris is in the movie Star Wars. You are Luke Skywalker piloting your penis-shaped X-Wing Fighter deep inside her trench. Remember: seventy percent of all Death Stars cannot be blown up through penetration of the trench alone. It must be through focused contact with that little exhaust port at the top of the trench. Otherwise, any explosions you experience will be merely Hollywood special effects.

Nine: Just because you come doesn’t mean she has, so don’t you dare come before her. Focus completely on your partner. Don’t worry about gettin’ yours, you’re a guy. You always get yours. Your job is to make sure she’s gettin’ hers.

Ten: If sex with your partner lasts no longer than this poem, you are not making love. You are masturbating with her body instead of your hand. Shame on you. Go back to step one. You’ve got a lot of learning to do.

Love, Dad.

This guy’s writing is fantastic. And also OMG STAR WARS.

I love this. It’s hilarious and pretty interesting.

all the awards

Sir, YES YES YES.